17 Resolutions to Make This the Year of Conscious Parenting

As parents most of us have the right intentions, but in the hustle and bustle of daily life, its difficult to parent positively. As a result, a lot of our interactions with our kids are reactive. Its important to become more aware of our parenting behaviors.

Just like professional development and getting your finances in order, becoming a more conscious parent involves identifying areas in which you need to improve and keeping those goals at the front of your mind, says Klebanov. As we enter into a new year, its the perfect time to become more intentional about how we do and dont want to be when were with our children.

Here, she shares a list of 17 things you can do to parent more consciously in 2015. (Remember, no parent is perfect, and we all make mistakes, she reminds. These items are meant to be gentle reminders, not indictments! You might even find it helpful to print this list out and post it on the fridge or bathroom mirror as a daily tickler.)

Your 2015 Parenting Checklist In 2015, I resolve to:

• Stop spanking. Many of us grew up being spanked, and its an easy response when a child is misbehaving. While spanking can get the desired results in the short term, the truth is, there are no long-term benefits, and it can lead to quite a few issues down the road, including adversely impacting cognitive development and behavior,

• Stop fighting in front of the kids. To be clear, Klebanov isnt referring to basic constructive arguing, which can serve as a good lesson to youngsters, but to arguments that involve put-downs, name-calling, insults, or threats. This is a negative, destructive communication pattern you dont want to model to your children, Klebanov comments. Seeing parents fight is incredibly stressful to kids and can spark feelings of fear and anxiety that last long after Mom and Dad have made up.

• Model kindness and compassion. We all say we want to raise kids who are kind and compassionatebut be honest: How often do you demonstrate those values in action? Kids notice things like whether youre nice or rude to the cashier, whether you help or ignore others who are less fortunate, and how you respond when someone makes a mistake,The values that stick will be the ones you live, not the ones you preach about.

• Back away from teasing, yelling, and threatening. To your child, these behaviors are demeaning and sometimes frightening. And long-term, they negatively affect kids self-esteem, social skills, and even academic skills. Its important to limit your expressions of anger toward your kids, especially for behaviors that are developmentally appropriateeven if they make you feel frustrated or angry, Klebanov says. Go to therapy if necessary.

• Promptly and lovingly respond to my babys cries. Science has shown that a caregivers signals and availability are critical in infancy because they directly impact the childs healthy emotional and psychological development. Even if youre tired, busy, or frustrated, its very important to promptly respond to your babys distress in a positive, supportive, understanding, and compassionate way. Dont leave infants to cry.

• Criticize less. Parental criticism comes from a good place. We want our children to learn, improve, develop good habits, avoid mistakes, and generally be the best they can be. But we dont always stop to consider the impact our criticism has on their self-image and confidence. This year, strive to be more sensitive of what youre criticizing, how often youre criticizing, and whether or not its constructive or destructive.

• Hug and kiss more. When parents are affectionate and loving, it positively affects childrens mental health, as well as their social and emotional development. So hug and kiss your children as much as possible, as long as theyll let you.

• Give them the responsibilities and freedoms theyve earned. You may want your kids to stay little forever, but theyre growing physically, emotionally, and psychologically every day. Even if its bittersweet for you, give them privileges and responsibilities that are appropriate for their ages and maturity levels.

• Spend more time with family memberseven those I dont particularly like. Children deserve positive and meaningful relationships with their family memberseven those youd rather not spend time with. (For instance, if youre divorced, allow your children to spend time with your ex and your exs family, if your kids so desire.)

• To improve behavior, use rewards more and punishments less. Rewards create positive connections in a childs mind because they link good behavior with happiness, unlike punishment-based discipline, which instead trains them to behave out of fear. Remember that parental praise is an important reward, too.

• Spend more positive time with my kids on their terms. Dont forget that your kids are unique human beings with their own interests, abilities, and strengthsmany of which may differ from yours! Help your kids develop their interests and compliment them frequently for their efforts and successes, Klebanov recommends. Care about and support your kids friendships, too, and their happiness in general.

• Think about my own childhood more. Take a mental journey back in time. What was happening during your childhood when you were the age your child is now? Are you acting or sounding just like your parent in a way you arent proud of? Are proud of? Are you projecting your childhood experiences onto your own child? Address your own childhood problems and traumas in therapy.

• Be more aware of the example Im setting.Pay closer attention to the example youre setting when youre actively parenting and when your attention is on other things.Be the best role model possible. Always look in the mirror before judging your kids behaviors.

• Read, read, and read some more.Read to your kids often when they are young and model reading as they get older, Klebanov recommends. Share your favorite stories with them and allow them to explore their reading interests. Reading together will boost their brain development and strengthen your bond.

• Parent with a better understanding of my childs stage in life. Childrens behavior can sometimes be baffling and frustrating to their parents. Thats why its important to have a basic understanding of each of your kids developmental stages and to be understanding. Be grateful for their curiosity, not impatient with it. Understand the significance of their learning and brain development. Encourage and support their efforts to talk, walk, learn, and developyes, even after the 500th question of the day!

• Spoil them more. Within the structure of appropriate limits, give your kids a sense of plenty. Dont be afraid of spoiling your kids.Love begets love.

• Share my interests with my children. If you love tennis, take your kids to the court and teach them how to play. If you enjoy painting, create a masterpiece with your little ones. Teaching your kids about things in a positive manner and exposing them to your interests is a very important and positive part of being a parent. And who knows? You may spark a lifelong passion or hobby in them!

Always remember that the goal of parenting is to create happy, healthy, moral, successful, positively contributing adultsnot to have a convenient child for you in the present, Klebanov concludes. If you keep this principle in mind as you consciously parent in 2015, youll find that the best path to take becomes much clearer.

[About Marianna Klebanov: Marianna S. Klebanov, JD, is the coauthor of The Critical Role of Parenting in Human Development. She works as an attorney with a specialty in matters relating to child welfare and family violence.]