Yesterday a new friend and I walked our toddlers through the park and up to Starbucks. Without saying a word or talking about it beforehand, the moment we walked in the door, we grabbed those long green straws to hand out to our little ones. Bless those straws; keeps my lad occupied every time. It was such a small but powerful reminder to me that whatever crazy thing we’re doing as moms or dads, at least we’re not doing it alone.

One of the most important lessons I am learning as a new mom is that we just can’t do this alone. My husband is a top-notch dad, but I (we) still need other moms around me (us). We need each other and we need to provide space for each other to parent as each sees fit. I spent my first few months of motherhood in a constant state of anxiety over what the other mothers thought of me. If I carried the baby in the stroller rather than the sling, would they think I didn’t want to be close to him? If I gave him a pacifier in public, I would start apologizing and justifying its use because good moms know you soothe your baby naturally. When a stranger questioned why my child wasn’t bundled up “properly,” I blushed with shame and anger.

Eventually, with the help of my mommy group, I conquered (or at least started conquering) my fear of parenting in front of others. And then, oh boy, a whole new world opened up. Suddenly, I wasn’t the only one who struggled with depression after the baby was born or who couldn’t figure out how to use the Moby wrap. There were women to go to with breastfeeding questions (and breastfeeding sympathy). I became bold enough to start discussing toddler meal ideas with other moms in line at the grocery store. I was no longer embarrassed to head out of the house in my yoga pants, hoodie, and a ponytail because, “hey world-- I don’t have it together. And either do you.” I was no longer mothering alone.

My son recently started walking, about six months after all the other kids his age. I’ve fretted over it some (although *ahem* people learn to walk), but not to the degree I would have ten months ago if he was late on a milestone. Besides all the great benefits of having a walker (clean hands!), I have been overwhelmed by the support from other parents. Whether on my blog, on social media, or just in plain old real life, my son has so many other moms who are proud of him3. He didn’t do anything special or early; he simply started walking. His success is my success is your success, and you better believe that yours is mine too. When we embrace this collective parenting, we give ourselves permission to stop judging others and start cheering each other on.